Today my back hurts. When it doesn't hurt I work on the 17 year story of how I ended up applying for disability at 26 years old. So on days like this I can just hit the submit button.
Now that I am 26 years old, I have decided that the chronic pain I have been suffering isn't going away. I have been bloggin about my fight with the pain. To see the first two posts on my struggle of 17 years, check out the first one and the second one.
So I had to go to the doctors for a basic physical to get on the high school dance team, I was probably 14 years old. Dancing was everything to me then. It was a time I didn't feel the responsabilities that my mom dumped on me, the regular stuff a kid has to deal with and sometimes, I would be so caught up in concentration that my pain would even disappear, to of course reappear tenfold later on. Afraid that now I am showing a history of the pain, I would not be allowed to dance. So, I lied. I told her I still had pain but it was no big deal. This pain would go away with a few advil.
The truth of the situation was so bad, I look back and think why in the world would I lie. By the end of my freshmen year in high school, I had sought "other means" to deal with my pain. I was addicted to sleeping pills that I should have never started taking. I was slacking off in my school work. I was dancing three times a week for dance team for 3+hours, followed by classes, followed by working and then I would come home make dinner for the family, do the dishes, wash all my cloths and then I would go to youth group or a dance class. Finally, I would be able to sit down and do my homework but the pain would be so bad that usually, I would sneak off to find better pain killers.
I regret that I lied to the Doctor then. I felt at that time that it didn't matter. They couldn't make the pain go away. It was just another hurddle in my life other people have hurddles and this was mine. I had already been looked at by more then half the physical therapists in town. I was too young for them to consider chiroprator. I was never offered anything such as an X-Ray or MRI to see what was causing the pain. Most of that was correct, they can't fix me, but they can help me. I don't have to deal with the pain on my own.