Friday, December 5, 2008

First Birthday

My baby turned into a toddler last week. This weekend we are having her first birthday party. We are only having one child. I honestly, don’t think I could physically handle two or more. There are other reason for our decision, but that one pops out every time I think that we should have had more.
So just about everything is set. Just the last minute things, like picking up the cake. There will be more then 20 adults there. I am very excited. Yet, I can’t believe she is already one year old. It makes me sad sometimes too. I don’t know why exactly I just get really teary.
What I really don’t want to do is to cry in front of everyone and take the attention away from my daughter. Even worse, I don’t want to make her upset. Here come some more mom issues. I am really hoping that if I get some of these mom issues off of my chest here then they won’t come up in conversation with friends. I would really like to live in the present rather then the past.
My mom used to cry all the time about everything. She never explained it and it always made me upset. I really thought she was doing it to get attention. She was always telling me that this person or that person were jealous of me. At some point I figured out that really she was jealous that I grew up in a home that was monetarily more well off then hers was. Well anyways, I really don’t want to cry in front of everybody this weekend. I was going to get her first year of her baby book done this week to have ready for the party. Now I am thinking I shouldn’t do it because I will remember just how much she has grown.

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