'Tis the Season Not To Hate

I know your never suppose to hate anyone, ever. People who feel hate are awful and they have horrible lives and they are miserable people. Still, right now there is no other way for me to feel towards my daughters father. I hate him right now, and I think you'd agree it is for all the right reasons. Still, though your not suppose to hate.

This year was his year to take her for Thanksgiving, but having her back to me that day or the day after was too complicated, it didn't fit with his plans. I had already planned a day before Thanksgiving at out house because we put her and my nephew on the same holiday schedule so they can have those memories together. So, she had two Thanksgivings with me. After all the fun times and getting to know each others families, she herself realized that she got to see her whole family except for her Dad. So, we called him, but he didn't call back. She cried and cried and cried. She is only two and I can't make him be a good parent.

Monkey turns 3 on Wednesday. So Sunday before last I threw her a birthday party.

Last weekend he had her, I don't think she got a birthday party from him. He had said he will give her a gift when he sees her. He says that he doesn't believe in a child having two birthday parties. I know that in his very confused stubborn head that I am preventing him from being involved in her third birthday by not inviting him. In reality, I am doing the very normal thing and living my life with my child in it and not him. I didn't randomly make up a no two birthday rule and stick to it for no apparent reason. 

This is my year for Christmas, but it falls on his weekend. So I've send him a message to see if he would like to have her two weekends in a row, Suddenly, he is interested in what the actual parenting plans says and it says he can't make up holiday time. Although the parenting plan also says he should pick her up and drop her off at my house. We have never done that but he decided we are doing to do the exchange in a parking lot all the sudden. When I asked why I got yelled at a door slammed in my face.

I know your not suppose to hate anyone ever, but I can't do anything else. I can't make him be a better parent and I can't make him respond to me. I can't make him answer the phone when his daughter calls. I can't forgive him for doing this to her. I can't do anything but feel hate and sadness. Soon, some time will pass and I will be able to forgive, I have to believe that, because I don't want to be a miserable person.